I just started my health crusade 2014.  I’m determined to get healthier this year and feel better!  I’m tired all the time, sleep deprived, can’t lose weight and am just a mess;  for an early 30s gal, that is NO BUENO.  So I’m plunging in by seeing every single doctor I can, a perk to marrying a man with fabulous health insurance. I’ve been an animal about it and I never thought I would enjoy going to doctors. Everyone I’ve seen so far I would give a  thumbs up but they all have questioned why I feel like ass; they say i’m healthy-ish.   My endocrinologist worries about genetics and my thyroid and she suggested low fat, low to no carbs and eating every two hours.  She said I will never reach where I want to be quickly if ever; she said it will feel like a full time, no fun job. Depressing. On the go life plus 12 hour work shifts and exhaustion?  Crap. Ok file it, keep researching and let’s see way we can put together. My ENT suggested a book, Dropping Acid.  It suggested grains, not low carb! Suffering from acid reflux for so many years I know that grains and carbs are a necessary part of comfort for this disorder, a necessary cure maybe.  No joke, folks, if you have never had acid reflux, imagine pouring fire down your throat and then burping it back up. Sound gross? Imagine forgetting to eat for more than 6 hours and then you are excavating bile, blacking out, and writhing in pain. Sound dramatic? Ask my husband. He has seen me like this and it is a worse feeling than the flu. So what to do? No idea. Work in progress.

I know dieting. I’ve done it all. Weight Watchers, Atkins, South Beach, Nutrisystem, 6 week Body Makeover, Army Diet, 48 Hour Body Flush thing, you name it and I’ve done it. I’ve tried all natural, sugar free, fat free, low fat, clean eating, no processed, no dairy, supplements, etc etc. Things work for a time and then just stop; it’s not a plateau.  My body adjusts to the change and stops responding.  I’ve heard it before from tons of doctors to keep changing it up but I’m exhausted all the time- tell me how to keep it up when you’re drained.  Some nights I’m so tired I would rather eat a piece of bread and go to sleep. Plain bread. Maybe cheese. Yum cheese bread…

My diet has always consisted of diet foods and grab-able items.  Always on the go I found that my go to snacks were fruit that would be mushed on the bottom of my backpack, low fat crackers again smushed, and yogurt which let’s face it has a shelf life of a couple hours at most.  My go to meal? A salad or soup. So why do I struggle with weight loss? I blame it on my on the go lifestyle a little bit although I will not lie and say I don’t love junk.  My hubby lovingly calls me the Chippie Monster. The doctors always say I don’t eat enough throughout my days, something I’ve heard for years.  On the weekends I find myself eating a lot more and sometimes losing because of it, sometimes not.  Weird. The doctors have tried to see what is up with me for a long while but I am a quandry! My new test results shall tell us more if i ever get them.

Everyone tries to offer advice and I’ve heard it.  Don’t sell me. I’ll listen but inside I’m thinking womp womp wah wah wah wah wah wah!

So why write about it?

I guess I just like to feel better that it isn’t all in my head, that the demon excuses I thought I was making all of these years are actually bonafide problems, that life could be a lot worse than living every day uncomfortable.  I guess I just wonder why at this age I feel so sluggish.  I miss the old days of jumping around and energy til 4am and getting ‘er done every day.  I refuse to let getting older be an excuse.  I refuse to let living life, going out to dinner, being happily married, or eating a piece of bread be an excuse.  I’m going to live my life and figure out how to do it healthier and dammit to feel better!