Yes, Resolations.

This world is a crazy place.  We don’t always get what we want, but in a world where we are free to do what we want and aim high for our dreams, we can sure work hard to get what we want someday.  I feel like my whole life has been about aiming high.  I’d never say I was disappointed, just had to sometimes adjust my aim.  I no longer aim to be a Disney princess or a movie star.  I am realistic but what is life without dreams and goals? This world is about working hard. 2014 is the year I want to work hard and play harder. I have things to get done in my life.  We only get one life.  It’s time to shift from neutral to drive and rev life’s engine.

When I was young I was the friend who sang on the phone the entire time.  I was the friend who wanted to see a musical instead of a concert, who preferred Oklahoma over Nirvana. I knew that my life wouldn’t be complete without singing and musical theatre.  When I got my first real gig at Surflight Theatre on Long Beach Island, NJ, everyone came to see me do professional theatre by the beach.  I had no idea what I was doing except that I loved it, I was good at it, and I learned more in that summer than I ever thought I would. I remember when I graduated from college and came home, I sat on the floor and cried my eyes out.  I wanted it to all work out as I entered to unknown and I was petrified without a dollar in my pocket. I started auditioning and frankly, I had a great run. I’ve done national tours, children’s theatre, Disney Cruise Line, regional theatre all over the place, and then I even joined the union doing a show that would change my life.  I’m good. I know I am but I want more than JUST this part of my life. So many people have had to chose whether they want a life with love and family or this business. What happens when you fall in love and want to make a life with someone? Do you choose between your two loves? HELL NO. Hello Resolation!

I met my husband, M, the summer I booked an agent and though I was going places.  I told M I was busy and blew him off; eventually after I saw pictures of him with another girl I said let’s meet, after months of chatting.  Yes, online and yes I was jealous even before I met him.  I had a feeling about him and I was right; we both knew our lives wouldn’t be the same after that first date.  We dated for several years and he watched me work tons of different survival jobs and hit audition after audition.  When I was down he would lift me up, a partner in all of the madness.  I was certain he was it for me and I worried about how it would all work.  Did someone want to join in on this crazy?  After I auditioned for four major projects that didn’t pan out (oh Broadway, someday you will call), I decided to take a time out.  I wanted to love this business but I was tired of losing.  I was starting to not love musical theatre, the thing that defined me more than anything else on the planet, and I wanted to love it or see if I could live without it.  It was really hard.  The man understood and stood by me as I missed the other love in my life.  I wanted a life with him with a house and kids and barbecues but as time ticked on I knew that I couldn’t live without a song to sing.  I would never forgive myself if I gave up on either dream. One dream could not be sacrificed for another.

I got a day job that was good to me.  I have flexibility for the most part but it was real money for the first time in my life (aka wedding money!).  Without my love of musical theatre to cuddle with, my attention turned to M, my real love.  I wanted to start our life together.  I wasn’t patient but he understood.  (He does that well.)  M and I have been through a lot together but it was always our love that saw us through, the idea of spending our lives together and sharing our joys that got us from the hardships to the laughter. He proposed in his own special, thoughtful  way and a little over a year later, we had an amazing, memorable, and gorgeous wedding to start us off as a married couple.  Perspective. Joyful life. I’m totally loving this man especially as I look at him sleeping face down on the nice throw pillows I just bought.  That’s married love. It’s different than you expect, even better than you hoped, and scarier than you imagined.  This fantastic guy and I are a team.  We call our own shots and we will create our destinies. It scared me post-wedding.  Would going back to my first love of musical theatre take a toll on our great life? I know that as two people who are as resourceful and as determined as us, there’s nothing we can’t do together. We’ll work it out is something I truly believe we will do and it makes me love him even more as he watches me explode with ideas for our life together.

Now there is no more wedding to plan. There is no house to buy yet.  There are no kids for a little while still (we just got married- we have time!). There is nothing to do but enjoy each other and go about our normal lives.  What is my normal life? What is our normal life? Well our life as husband and wife took time, but we are great at it now. What about me though? What was next in this ever busy life I was leading?

It’s time for no more excuses, friends.  These observations come to you fresh off of major life changes, a new year, and another birthday gone by.  These feelings and discoveries are all part of my “resolations,” aka resolutions plus revelations.  I’m even going to share them here with you, my extremely condensed “resolations.”  (Mind you I have 22 but some are just for my eyes, you know?) There are things we can all do to better ourselves and those around us.  I’m starting on me first, then I’ll go global! 🙂

Enjoy….

Marriage is something to work on and nurture.  Grow together, encourage success and fall in love a little bit each day.  I watched my amazing husband and I falling into a pattern of weird as we went about the day to day activities of life with no more wedding to plan.  We had to just share our life together with nothing ahead but years of….. happiness. Togetherness.  Wouldn’t it be cool to enjoy them? Wouldn’t it be great to help each other get to what makes us happy? Hells yeah! So we need to get him a new step towards success at his job and we need to get my butt out auditioning and still make time to lovingly snuggle on our couch.  Once we acknowledged this, we started enjoying each other once again through the holidays and day to day life.  Being nice is nice. 🙂 I also need to change my name and make this marriage stuff official.  This paperwork business is intense and so is the merging of accounts and the like.  Wow. Cool.

You only get one body.  I’m an extremely curvy woman who has gained and lost 106865382659 over the years.  My goal is not necessarily to lose weight AGAIN although that would be nice.  My goal is to be healthier and make smart cutbacks to prevent discouragement.  I’m not looking for a six pack but my teeny waist back would be awesome, not to mention rediscovering my energy.  I’m also seeing every doctor there is to make sure I’m a healthy lady. So far, doing better already!

The BIZ. Oh this is a big one. I need new headshots, I need new music, I need a new book, I need a new look. GOOD GOD it is always something. I am a musical theatre nut in an ever-changing and ever-developing business of technology, nepotism, and also luck.  I’m throwing all that out of the window and just grabbing it all by the balls.  I am putting myself out there. I’m going to record an album this year, my first of many, I’m going to reenter this auditioning madness, and I’m going to enter a new side of the business, voiceovers.  (My husband promised to push me out the door to go and get ‘er done.) If you have any insight, I’m all ears!

SAVE. Not the whales, even though I like whales. Money makes the world go round.  It comes and goes but I’m buckling down this year.  I just splurged on myself for my birthday (sheet music, clothes, Vera Bradley bags, oh my!) and then resigned to get rid of the bills and stash it all. Europe is calling. A house of our own is calling.  The American dream of having my cake and eating it too. It’ll happen.  Two year plan for this one but it will happen.

Master French Macarons. This is something I WILL accomplish this year. They will have their own feet and everything.  This is a project I will chronicle here.  These cookies are the hardest to make but I am determined to master them!   (Also planning on a crock pot section but that is just life not a resolution, I mean lation…)

Reach Out. I want my friends and family in my life.  I saw the people, my beloved people, come out in hordes to our wedding in September.  I want to nurture those relationships and that allows me to be the hostess with the mostess, a role I LOVE playing!  Get rid of the toxic and say bye bye to friends who, let’s face it, SUCK.  No time for them.  Out with the old, keeping on with the awesome.

Be On Time. 2013 was my worst year of lateness to date.  I’ve never been the early bird but I gotta stop being last to the party. This seems like such an easy thing but when you are running stupid trying to do 18 things, you gotta prioritize.  Must plan better!

Finish what I start. This is a big one.  Every year I see something on this list go unfinished.  I have a big list this year.  I have to start finishing and following through with everything.  I’m not just going to say it; I’m really going to do it.