As a blogger, a writer, a wife, a wedding officiant, a singer, a concierge, a crocheter, a friend, an aunt, a daughter, or whatever you want to call me, I am something different to every person I meet and know.  I wear many different hats. One hat I happily wear is my woman’s hat with all the pleasures and pains that go with it. 

The musical Bye Bye Birdie features a song called, “How Lovely to Be a Woman.” Take a look at Ann Margret rocking it in the film version.

This version of womanhood is one of femininity and being a good wife. Simple. Old school. Times have changed.  It just isn’t that simple anymore.  Did I charge the iPad?  Did I pick up gluten-free snacks for my work party?  Did I pay the Fios bill? Did I tell work I’m leaving early to get my master’s at night? The list goes on and on. Women these days have so much more going on in their lives as we all are pulled in a million different directions.  It has progressively gotten easier and harder to be a woman, but no matter what, I think all of us ladies can agree that being a woman is pretty lovely.

Being a woman is empowering.  Being a woman is powerful. Being a woman is not easy.  We can handle all the different emotions and situations that come our way. Women are beautiful, smart, twisted, emotional, brilliant, determined, inspiring, and a million more adjectives.

However there are some things that may hinder our…. loveliness.  Let’s see if I can think of a bunch— um, yup!

Bras: There is nothing I love more than ripping my bra off at the end of a long day.  I will probably have red marks on my side from wearing supportive bras to hold onto the girls. I mean, gentleman, imagine your balls were on display and they needed special coverage for each one to keep them in check. There should be two and they are separated and holstered towards the sky. Ow.  I always try to keep mine in check (boobs, not balls), but wearing a bra for 14+ hours should seriously be outlawed.

High heels: I used to love a good pair of kitten heels, wedges or character shoes,  but after years of torture, that ship has sailed.  A little lift to help elongate the leg has permanently messed up my feet so high heels just sound like torture devices, as pretty as they are.  When I go to a wedding, I’m now the cool old fart who brings flats to dance in.  (I don’t do barefoot.) I do secretly love going to an event that I will only be sitting at; I can fake being able to wear heels for hours on end!

Beauty maintenance: Between shaving, waxing, threading, make-up, and hair products and services, it takes a lot of work to be a gorgeous woman in this day and age.  We have to be feminine and versatile and tough and ready to take on the world.  What mascara works for all of that?  What hair product will make my hair stay bouncy all day?  The answer is none. And let’s talk about the cost of all these products and services.  MAC should pay me for endorsing them.  But for the first half hour of stepping out of the house, damn do we look flawless!

Body issues: Social media has preyed on women to make us all overly aware of our shape and size.  Until recently, I personally didn’t realize how much it has affected me to see the way women SHOULD look.  I will never be thin and I will never look like the girls in the magazines, but it doesn’t mean I should hide away.  I LOVE seeing a woman who looks as happy and as sexy as I sometimes allow myself to feel.  Why allow?  Because I always think that if I don’t look like the pictures, it’s not good enough. Ugh, it’s so not okay!  (Anyone who thinks like me, raise your hand and let’s go to therapy together.)

Periods/Hormones/Babies: With great privilege comes great responsibility.  The great privilege of carrying a baby also comes with the hardships of heartburn, weight gain, intense pain, and morning sickness.Hormones are flying wild with child or without. One minute we are happy and the next we just want to be left alone.  Do you know what it is like to have that many feelings moving around inside you?  It’s exhausting! Periods are a jolly month to month reminder to have a baby or not before everything dries up.  Forget white pants on heavy flow days and forget being productive when cramps hit.  Prepare for heating pads, trash TV, ugly undies, and cozy blankets in the fetal position. Yup, that’s my reality once a month and I still make it to work. Having a baby is a reality I have not yet had the pleasure of experiencing so I can’t say that I personally relate.  I think it goes without saying that pregnancy can be a bitch, right mommas?

Societal pressures/Worrying: I think some women are born with an extra worrying gene.  We have so much to prove and so much climbing to find equal ground.  We always have to be on our game and push ourselves to the brim.  Will we get that promotion?  Will our kid get into that preschool?  Will we trade in the car or buy it?  Back and forth, our minds are constantly on.

Be a Lady: I have news for you. Ladies fart. Gals burp. Chicks go to the bathroom, yes #2. The rules of this world encourage us to wear a skirt, look pretty, smell nice, and be polite.  SCREW THAT. I love feeling feminine and pretty, but being polite doesn’t make me a better woman.  Being polite suffocates.  Being polite shuts us up and shuts us down. Time for a change, folks.

I’m not encouraging you to burn your bras, stop shaving, and stop having babies.  No, no.  In fact, reading back all I’ve just written made me realize something.  I don’t want to be a lady. I want to be a STRONG woman! I want to juggle and balance and succeed.  I want to be feminine and happy with myself.  I want to look in the mirror and smile, knowing that I am enough. I want to embrace all the craziness that comes with being a woman, the hard and the great, because let’s face it.  Women are pretty fucking great.

How Lovely to be a Woman, indeed….