BRIDE GUIDE: Bridezillas. We’ve all been there.

We all knew this post was coming. Dum da dum dum dummmmmmmmmmm! How could it not when we are surrounded by shows detailing every wedding process there ever was?  How could it not be when we all know AT LEAST one? Girl we have all been there!  So here she is, presenting…..

The definition of a Bridezilla is a woman whose behavior in planning her wedding is regarded as obsessive or intolerably demanding.

So let’s start off with me saying this: planning a wedding is not easy.  I think part of the reason Bridezillas even exist is because of the pressure and the incessant questions, even though wedding planning is usually a partner sport. Before I get down to the gritty, gooey, gory details of why bridezilla disease is so heinous, I will give a little insight as to how this all happens.

For those of you just starting the process of planning your wedding, you are in for a ride.  You could be the biggest Type A personality and if at some point you don’t have a meltdown on the inside or out, I want some of whatever pills you are popping in between doing the seating chart and emailing Great Aunt Lucy about how to get to the wedding without a car. Wedding planning is about a million things: the dress, your couple style, the shoes, the locations, your parents, your in-laws, the vows, the minister, the religion, the photographer, the guests, the seating, the this, the that, blah blah, bada bing, bada boom, ka-ching.  The list goes on and on. It is the most planning you will ever do for an event in your personal life; it is epic and it should feel that way.  It’s a big deal. Sometimes planning your big day is the time of your life and sometimes it is a roller coaster that leaves you wanting to blow chunks- too much up and down! Everyone wants something from you, no one thinks you have your shit together, everyone is afraid to say anything to upset you, and it’s supposed to be a special time in your life. And that’s not even YOUR expectations. (I say you/your, referring to the bride and groom.) It’s exciting and romantic, yes, but the whole process can also be hard, confusing, and going to get overwhelming at one point or another.  I get it. You need support and you already have it from the one person who matters. YOUR WEDDING should really only be about YOU and the person you love, the collective couple. Remember that before you morph into…. well….

When systems go haywire and life gets all screwy a delicate flower of a lady is born.  Her name is Bridezilla.  She ain’t really delicate and she sure as hell ain’t no flower.  She can’t handle the stress and pressure of the bridal image or she panics about every detail being perfect or she focuses on something not important at all or she tortures the supportive people around her to make herself feel better. I give you, Bridezilla!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here are some signs to look out for— maybe you can protect your friend from morphing into a beast!

(Disclaimer: In recent times, I have also seen GROOMZILLAS.  For the purpose of this article, I’m sticking to the term Bridezilla.)

1. Unreasonable demands on your time.  This is where it all starts.  The bride needs this and that.  Of course you want to help BUT then she demands that you devote ALL of your time to HER wedding.  She expects you to be at everything and make this your part-time job. People work, kids get sick, and shit happens but tough noogies.  GTFOI. If a bride needs that much help, she doesn’t need a husband; she needs Xanax. You don’t need everyone to come with you to make every decision as much as you would like to. Bridesmaids— not brideslaves!

2. No regard for your benjamins. As a bridesmaid, you make a commitment to be a part of someone’s wedding day, to support them at this life changing event. Being a bridesmaid can really add up and a thoughtful bride will take that into consideration.   Any bride who is not thrilled and beyond grateful for you to just be a part of her day is stupid and rude.  The bridezilla type expects you to hash out tons of cash. WOOO WOOO WOOO bridezilla alert!  I’ve said in other blogs that you need to be considerate of everyone’s budget and it is true.  If there are financial issues, talking about them is key but beware the bridezilla stare.

3. Weighty Issues. This subject really boils my blood. If a bride asks you to lose/gain weight before her wedding, she is not your friend.  In fact, I advise you to pass on being a bridesmaid and sever all ties with the shallow person who asks that of you. I repeat, this is not a good friend.  Any weight loss or gain is your business and your friend should love you no matter what size you are.  She shouldn’t care about aesthetics and about you looking too good.  If she does, she is gross and there is nothing more to be said.

4.  Wedding dropping.  Planning your wedding is a significant part or your life but when you are finally on a different subject and bridezilla turns every convo back to the wedding?  There is more going on and you have to be aware of this. I personally was doing this for a hot second so I gave myself a window to talk about wedding planning and then I zipped it.  And guess what? I still found things to talk about! My friends would bring it up and I tried so hard to keep it on the back burner.  Life was going to go on after the wedding day and I wanted to be a good friend.

5.  Hothead Hottie. She’s always angry.  Everything is falling apart. Something as small as bows can set this wench off and now she’s a bridezilla who will destroy anyone in her path— GRRRRR! A bride should not be  that miserable during this time in her life.  It can be so much fun to plan your wedding! But when the colors go wrong, the cake is chocolate- not red velvet, the makeup artist made her look like a drag queen, the cougar cousin wants to bring her married boyfriend, no one likes their seat, the groom goes MIA, the bridesmaids are drunk, and her mother in law is already nagging her, we can finally understand why she is getting crazy.  The key is how she reacts.  Hopefully she feels the needs to harness the crazy in or talk it out calmly instead of lashing out like a whackadoodle on anyone and anything in her path.   Beware the bridal wrath.

6. Sans Groom. Where is the groom? Where is the other half of this equation?  If the bride is in bridezilla mode, the dude is an easy one to forget!  Or maybe he is hiding… Anyway it’s all about the bride, right?  (See sarcasm?) Don’t forget what we are really here for: the wedding of TWO people who love each other.  Sometimes the groom completely falls of the face of the earth and then again, how can you blame the bride for losing it? Again, it’s how it is handled.  How else can you enjoy this time in your life?

 

In the end, being a Bridezilla can be a destructive tornado of hell.  You torture the people around you who care about you the most but the one you hurt the most is yourself.  Enjoy this time in your life- you will not get it back.  A wedding is not without its ups and downs, ins and outs, but there is no need to forget the bigger picture. You’re in love and pledging to share your life with someone else.  Keep it in check. Ask for help. Talk it out. Love the people who are supporting you. Pamper yourself. Breath deep. Smile! And when life gets hard, have a drink or a Xanax. It’ll all be okay.

 

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