BRIDE GUIDE: Ain’t nuthin’ but a she thang!

“A Bachelorette Party is a party held for a bride-to-be in the style that is common in that social circle.” Thanks Wikipedia! I hope you appreciate the title of this blog.  Shoutout to Salt-N-Pepa baby! Whatever happened to them?

The bachelorette party is a big stink these days.  It’s amazing how much time and money people can spend on yet another party to celebrate an upcoming wedding.  It’s an incredible gift to give to your dear bride-to-be friend but it’s actually astounding how these parties have blown up.

I’ve been to many a bachelorette party/weekend.  One memorable one was for a college friend. We had a nice dinner and then did a bar crawl through our old college town.  It was just us gals and we made a list of crazy things for her to do like kiss a frat boy or draw a penis on someone.  It was silly but simple fun to celebrate with people we loved. I remember my best friend’s was a crazy weekend in Atlantic City, dancing it up until all hours of the morning. Good times. My own bachelorette party was fabulous.  We had dinner at a great restaurant in Manhattan (with lots of cheese because I love cheese), went to Lips for a great drag show (they are my people), stayed overnight in Manhattan and then had a great brunch the next day.  It was really fun, perfect really and so great to just be with my friends.  It was thoughtful and my girls planned things that they knew I would love.

Nowadays I see people going to Mexico for a “bachelorette week.” Aruba, Hawaii, even European bachelorette trips!  Wow. Planes, trains, hotels, yachts, cruises, I mean really? Methinks this is going a bit too far. Aren’t you going on a honeymoon? This is not spring break. This is supposed to be a celebration with your best girls of this momentous step in your life.

My thoughts on this matter are the less is more approach. I’m not saying the bride doesn’t deserve an awesome time.  Lord knows I had a great time with my girls and wish I could see them altogether more often. (Hint, hint!)  It’s also the biggest de-stresser before your wedding. You don’t to plan a thing.  You have been badgered by everyone and their opinions of how to plan the big day; the bride deserves a decision free day.

Does it have to be a blow out, last single night out with drunk bitches? Does everyone have to be sloppy drunk with other dudes humping on them?  Let’s have fun and no slinging mud, gals!  Check yourself before you wreck yourself. I’ve been to some… interesting bachelorette parties.  I am always sober so I watch all the debachery unfold. A bride once picked a fight with me about my future husband and I was evil incarnate because I bailed.  Nice and classy, right?  Another time I watched two of my married acquaintances make out with rando dudes at a club. Gross and sloppy, not to mention CHEATING. It doesn’t have to be like this.  It also doesn’t have to be crazy expensive.  There have been some parties I just cannot afford.  I could throw a normal party tomorrow but not these epic weeklong drinkfests. Vegas for seven days? Bottle service at three different bars with covers? Don’t people work?  I don’t even drink! I love my friends but there have to be limits. You can’t be ashamed to say you have a more modest budget; budget has to be decided upon as a group.  You don’t have to buy your bestie a pony so she knows how much you love her.  You do not need printed invites or frou-frou favors to give out.  Go for a boa, crown, and a sash saying Bride to Be and call it a day.  You don’t need to spend all night working on a penis cake unless the bride really wants it; at that point I would point her back to her man’s business. Stick to making the bride happy and I think planning this part-tay will be as easy as penis cake!   Haha just recognize what this is and what it SHOULD be, a very special girls night out.


Some planning advice to stick to: 

*Don’t make the bride pay.  It’s weird.  It’s supposed to be her party. No mulla.  Make her leave her purse at home. Bring her ID and go!

*Consider other people’s budgets and be realistic. Have options and be open-minded.  It’s not about you.

*Find a date early!!!! Coordinating everyone’s schedule is probably the hardest part.

*SHHH! Don’t tell the bride the plan.  Even if she begs.

*Set up an itinerary with some wiggle room. Leave room for some extra fun!

*Don’t burn yourself out. You still have a wedding to look hot at soon.

*Spread it out— this job does not fall onto just one person.  Maids of honor technically plan but the bridesmaids should have equal say as well.

*Use the bride as your guide.  This ain’t yo party.  What does the bride love to do?

*Leave the dicks at home.  I’m not talking about men. I’m talking about the jewelry, crowns and other acoutrement with penises on it.  You will forever have a penis by your side so this is a night for va-jay-jays only.

*Keep it classy.  Don’t get sloppy and bitchy. Don’t let the bride get too far gone either.  Don’t end an epic girly night with an ER visit or a bitch slap.


Below I listed some ideas for a more thoughtful party/weekend. 

*You can never go wrong with a spa day.  Getting the bride-to-be the works is just what she probably needs: massages, facials, mani/pedi, scrub, wraps! Yay.

*How fun and classy would you feel all dressed up with a hat to have a fancy High tea?  Special sandwiches, scones, cookies, tea, and pink champagne with your girls by your side sounds AWESOME.

*Winery visits are always a win. Dinner and wine tasting, learning how they make the flavors you like and tasting stuff you don’t can lead to laughter, great chats, and blackmail pictures.

*Pool Party Sleepover!  Imagine you are surrounded by you best girls, getting some awesome takeout, playing games, lounging in a fancy pool, warming up in a nice plush terrycloth robe, then sleeping in comfy beds. Sweet.

*A scavenger hunt is always a good time. Use clues to send the bride to places important or relevant to every bridesmaid and have them waiting there for the bride.  When she gets to the end, have a cake or dinner set up and waiting for her with a note from her future Hubs.

*Classes! What does this mean?  How about going to a pole dancing class?  What about trapeze work or a silks class?  Painting with a paintbrush in one hand and a glass of wine in the other? Cooking party to learn how to make some sweet treats? There are thousands of options out there and everyone takes something away from an experience like this.

*How about a picnic lunch by a lake, bonfire and an overnight stay overlooking the lake? A little frisbee or a hike for the outdoors loving bride!

*You can go old school and just go to Chippendales.  Get out the dollar bills, ladies!

*Let’s go to the races!  Racetracks are always a good time!  Dress up fancy like you are at the derby.

*Go for a theme night at home!  Maybe Hollywood stars and you could have an astrologer reading fortunes with everyone in wigs, boas and sunglasses. Play trivia games about your fave peeps in Star and People magazines and maybe even have cardboard cutouts of your favorite stars.


There are so many times during the wedding planning process that things can get away from a bride.  Your bridesmaids are excited too!  Keep it in check, everybody.  You don’t have to throw a five-part epic weeklong party to make a gal feel special.  No matter how you celebrate your bride is still so lucky to have her girls by her side. Be thoughtful and you cannot lose. There is no wrong way to do this.  The bride should be beyond thrilled to not only have you as a friend but to have you stand up with her on one of the biggest days of her life. You are her Golden Girls so thank you for being a friend.


Now I leave you with the wise words of Salt-N-Pepa… (again what happened to them?)

“We’ve come a long way and baby that’s a fact

Let’s keep moving forward, girls, never look back

Fight for your rights, stand up and be heard

You’re just as good as any man, believe that.”



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