“What the fuck?
What’s the deal?
Can I ever just feel what I feel?”

I can thank Brian Yorkey for the current explanation of everything I feel right now.  What the fuck.

I live a very full and busy life.  My life this summer has been consumed with weddings and work.  I’m not complaining about doing weddings because man I love it but with my real job too? It’s exhausting.  It’s so easy to forget to take care of yourself.  And I have.  Hairy legs, unkempt eyebrows, in desperate need of a haircut and lucky if I eat a vegetable instead of popcorn for dinner. Hubs married a lunatic.  LOL.

The point is I’m frustrated!  I want to get my shit done. I want to feel like I’m getting somewhere instead of just getting by.

My life is always pulled in a lot of directions.  When I first started this blog, I talked about my Two Year Resolutions, a long list of things to accomplish in two year’s time.  I’m doing okay with some of the things on the list.  I changed my name, I’m setting up emergency books for Hubs and me, I’m more punctual, I’m paying off those credit cards, diligently saving for a house, and I’ve tried to make an effort to reach out to my true friends. Anyone else would be like rock on, that was a lot of work BUT I’m a list person.  I long to see things crossed off my papers and post its. I long to compile and organize and tackle a project until it is complete. It’s sexy.

So I look at this Two Year Resolution list that I made ten months ago and want to see more cross outs.  Works in progress that I just want to make more progress on!  So here it is followers, my progress report.  Like a status isn’t official until it’s on Facebook, I’m posting this here to hold myself accountable.  It’s time to get busy.

6. Launch blog. This is finally happening.  To my few readers, know that I appreciate you and hope that you will share, share, share this blog to as many people as your fingers can handle.  I’m looking to officially share this blog with the world starting between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Get ready for bigger, louder, faster, funnier blogs coming your way! I want to share more.

7. Take better physical care of myself. Get a new do and spend more time on self and looks. As mentioned above, I’m a hairy, scary mess.  Yes I wear makeup and take care of myself but kids, this is everyday maintenance.  This weekend it is time for a haircut, eyebrow wax, mani/pedi and maybe the massage I have a Groupon for.  God, I am envisioning the massage NOW.  My back could sure use it.

8. Master French Macarons. Ok this might sound dumb but I am obsessed with how pretty these are.  They are perfect little sandwiches of cute. Although some of them are divine, I don’t want to master them because I like the taste.  I want to master them because I want to make these fancy cookies and give them away at Christmas, holidays, parties, etc. I’m a great cook and baker.  My food is pretty…. enough. I want to master these because they are hard, because they are challenging, because they are… pretty. I vow to work on these this week.

10. Make T Shirt quilts. I completely blame my mom for this one!  Mom, I know you are reading and I’m sorry but I’m shouting you out.  When I got married I left my mom with piles of T-Shirts to cut up so that we could make T-Shirt quilts of all my old T-shirts.  It was supposed to be a mother/daughter bonding thing and my mom lost the special fabric scissors I bought so we still have not done this.  Mom, we gotta get it done. Let’s make a date.

12. Plan a European vacation. This is in the beginning stages.  I’m ashamed to say that we have never been abroad.  Hubs and I are determined to take care of this before we pop out some babies.  I have lots of people to help and I plan to pick their brains until they want to kick my ass.  This will happen all in due time.

15. Make wedding albums and keepsakes. We were selling our condo. It had to be pretty. We couldn’t have a mess.  No excuses.  I have crafts to do.  I’m married over a year. Get on it, Cari. This is an easy one.

16. RECORD an album.  THIS is my proudest announcement to make.  It’s finally happening.  My music director/accompanist/arranger/peach of a friend Megan will be thrilled to know that I have been working hard to acquire copyrights for songs to record.  It’s a lot of work before you get to the singing and creative part.  Here I go and it’s coming together. 5/10.  Getting there and I’m proud.  Gotta focus.

19. Read 20 books. Two down.  I used to eat them for breakfast.  I have to read all 7 Harry Potter books in the next few months so I started downloading those.  That’s 9?  Anyone have suggestions for some great fiction reads?

20. Focus on the tasks at hand and finish what I start. And that my friends, is what this entire blog is about. I can’t keep forgetting myself and all the things I want to achieve because I’m tired. We only get one life.  I am sick of living mine like everyday isn’t a gift.  I get weighted down with exhaustion from working two or more jobs.  I need to say what the fuck a little more often.  This isn’t just a list; it’s my life so what the fuck am I doing? WHY the fuck aren’t I doing everything I can to get what I want? All of these things are possible and if I don’t get going, I will regret it.  Forget regret. The time is now, no day but today, carpe diem, and all that jazz.

“Got to be starting something…”  No more waiting…. (must also crochet Christmas gifts and do Christmas shopping— stop adding things!  FOCUS!)